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So has anyone, other than me, ever had one of those moments where you realize that you don't have any real friends?
no?
of course not.
Because everyone else is normal and doesn't have severe trust issues to the point that the are so afraid to trust anyone that they block everyone out of their life.
Well I hit that point today.
My boyfriend's parents are going through a divorce.
That sucks.
Not only because they are getting a divorce but because they are taking it out on their children. They are both constantly talking about the other. and not really nice things. oh no.
More along the lines of "oh your mother was the worst cook ever" and "oh your father is a complete idiot."
These aren't things that one would say to someone. "oh you are a terrible cook!" no you just wouldn't say that to their face. but that's just the thing.
they aren't saying it to their face.
They are saying it to their children.
Even WORSE.
So needless to say my boyfriend is quite upset.
Well today I hung out with my boyfriend and we had a fun day doing nothing but just being.
It was pretty nice just to spend time together.
I kiss him goodbye and he goes to work. Everything is all fine and good.
My mom comes home, she doesn't feel good so she decides to take a nap. I get rather bored so I .....take a nap.
The phone starts ringing and I sit there praying that my mother answers it so I can just call asleep. After about three rings it is obvious that my mother ISNT going to answer.
So I answer and it is my boyfriend.
He asks if he can stop bye for a few minutes, slightly odd but I don't really think anything of it because he is going to be gone the next few days and I wont get to see him. I'm thinking "oh that is sweet he is going to stop bye so I can see him one last time before he leaves."
He pulls into my driveway and I open the door, he comes through the door crying. Keep in mind that my boyfriend is 6'2". not really the type of guy that one would expect to be that upset.
Long story slightly shorter, his dad was being a complete ass. Yeah that's right I just called him an ass. You know why? Because any man that will talk down to his 16 year old son, to the point of making him CRY, is not only an ass but needs to be kicked in the face!
Well after he tells me what is wrong we talk about random shit and he ends up feeling better and whatnot. So he leaves and goes home.
So that leaves me. Sitting in my room thinking about all of this. But not just about his parents getting a divorce. but also about mine.
My father isn't the type of father that I would want at all. he is simply that. "father" he was "dad" when I was about seven. that was when he would come and pick us up one weekend a month and it was fun. That was when he lived in West Memphis.
Now he lives in PB with me. About halfway in between Keith and I. A few blocks from the school. But since he lives so close I see him even less. Doesn't make any since huh?
Anyway. Here I was thinking about how I will never have the kind of relationship with my father as my mother had with hers and how my father will never be my "daddy" or even just "dad" and I was sobbing my eyes out.
That is when I realized that what I really needed right then was a hug.
I needed someone to hug me and tell me that everything was going to be okay.
But I don't have that.
You know why?
Because I don't have any friends that I am close enough to that I can just go to them and cry my eyes out with.
I used to.
Yeah I had a ton of friends that I trusted completely. I knew they actually care when they asked "hey, you okay?" They actually cared about the answer they would get.
And if that answer was, "No. I feel like crap. I'm depressed and I want to kill myself." They would hug me and talk to me about it and make me feel all better.
Now I'm just left alone with a knife. yay. *sarcasm*
The only person that I can really do that with is Keith and that kinda is a problem because I don't want to make him feel bad about coming to me when he is upset.
So I am on here. Ranting. Because it makes me feel better. And at least then I know that the very FEW people that read this will go "oh. Well. That sucks." then move on with their life.
I'm gonna go eat ice cream now.................................
no?
of course not.
Because everyone else is normal and doesn't have severe trust issues to the point that the are so afraid to trust anyone that they block everyone out of their life.
Well I hit that point today.
My boyfriend's parents are going through a divorce.
That sucks.
Not only because they are getting a divorce but because they are taking it out on their children. They are both constantly talking about the other. and not really nice things. oh no.
More along the lines of "oh your mother was the worst cook ever" and "oh your father is a complete idiot."
These aren't things that one would say to someone. "oh you are a terrible cook!" no you just wouldn't say that to their face. but that's just the thing.
they aren't saying it to their face.
They are saying it to their children.
Even WORSE.
So needless to say my boyfriend is quite upset.
Well today I hung out with my boyfriend and we had a fun day doing nothing but just being.
It was pretty nice just to spend time together.
I kiss him goodbye and he goes to work. Everything is all fine and good.
My mom comes home, she doesn't feel good so she decides to take a nap. I get rather bored so I .....take a nap.
The phone starts ringing and I sit there praying that my mother answers it so I can just call asleep. After about three rings it is obvious that my mother ISNT going to answer.
So I answer and it is my boyfriend.
He asks if he can stop bye for a few minutes, slightly odd but I don't really think anything of it because he is going to be gone the next few days and I wont get to see him. I'm thinking "oh that is sweet he is going to stop bye so I can see him one last time before he leaves."
He pulls into my driveway and I open the door, he comes through the door crying. Keep in mind that my boyfriend is 6'2". not really the type of guy that one would expect to be that upset.
Long story slightly shorter, his dad was being a complete ass. Yeah that's right I just called him an ass. You know why? Because any man that will talk down to his 16 year old son, to the point of making him CRY, is not only an ass but needs to be kicked in the face!
Well after he tells me what is wrong we talk about random shit and he ends up feeling better and whatnot. So he leaves and goes home.
So that leaves me. Sitting in my room thinking about all of this. But not just about his parents getting a divorce. but also about mine.
My father isn't the type of father that I would want at all. he is simply that. "father" he was "dad" when I was about seven. that was when he would come and pick us up one weekend a month and it was fun. That was when he lived in West Memphis.
Now he lives in PB with me. About halfway in between Keith and I. A few blocks from the school. But since he lives so close I see him even less. Doesn't make any since huh?
Anyway. Here I was thinking about how I will never have the kind of relationship with my father as my mother had with hers and how my father will never be my "daddy" or even just "dad" and I was sobbing my eyes out.
That is when I realized that what I really needed right then was a hug.
I needed someone to hug me and tell me that everything was going to be okay.
But I don't have that.
You know why?
Because I don't have any friends that I am close enough to that I can just go to them and cry my eyes out with.
I used to.
Yeah I had a ton of friends that I trusted completely. I knew they actually care when they asked "hey, you okay?" They actually cared about the answer they would get.
And if that answer was, "No. I feel like crap. I'm depressed and I want to kill myself." They would hug me and talk to me about it and make me feel all better.
Now I'm just left alone with a knife. yay. *sarcasm*
The only person that I can really do that with is Keith and that kinda is a problem because I don't want to make him feel bad about coming to me when he is upset.
So I am on here. Ranting. Because it makes me feel better. And at least then I know that the very FEW people that read this will go "oh. Well. That sucks." then move on with their life.
I'm gonna go eat ice cream now.................................
Current Mood: 
drained
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In Love
^_^
oot.
blarg!
indescribable
bored